


Secret Dates and Kitten Paws

by qianwtch (dxnutcare)



Series: WayV Idol Life [1]
Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Confrontations, I Don't Even Know, Idols, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Secret Relationship, escaping idol life, implied mental health issues, only mention of sex, slice of life-ish, support-cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxnutcare/pseuds/qianwtch
Summary: “You know? You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been keeping up with us for so long now and you never stopped caring. Maybe you should start caring more about your own well-being.” – Guanheng“You should stop caring so much about what others might think about you and how they could judge you and start caring about what really makes you happy. And I really don’t want you to choose. I know it makes this a lot harder. But you need to choose happiness before you start breaking. And I have loved you for so long and I know you can’t take this anymore. I can’t imagine being without you.” – Ten
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: WayV Idol Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910161
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Secret Dates and Kitten Paws

**Author's Note:**

> first wayv fanfic wohoo^^

Thousands of fans were cheering loudly and dazzling spotlights were directed at Kun who was astonished by the unexpected song which was sung. He stood in the middle of the flood of happy fans who looked like they were captivated by his breathtaking demeanor. And they adored his innocent and lovable looking face, that lit up as the mass started to sing. His eyes began to sparkle as soon as he recognized the first few chords of _happy birthday_ , which Dejun played on the guitar smiling fondly at him. Kun didn't expect to have a birthday song sung to him today. Even though it was his birthday, it was a normal workday for him; so he had acted as if it was, not knowing they had planned to surprise him.

Then after a few chords Ten began to sing, blowing everyone away with his bewitching voice while Guanheng and Xuxi brought a unique looking birthday cake from backstage and walked over to Kun. But he didn’t care about the cake — which confessedly looked very well-made and expensive — he was already enchanted by Ten — _only Ten_ — nearly forgetting they were on stage. His eyes were glued onto the man who gracefully walked over to him, not breaking eye contact and gently entrancing him with the song. Even though it was just a normal happy birthday song it felt special to him, knowing it was Ten who sang it for him — just for him.

All of a sudden it was as if he fell in love all over again seeing the man who was glowing in the spotlights outshining everyone else with his magical appearance, making his heart flutter and his breath hitch with his stunning appearance. He looked like he was nearly flying across the stage because of the way he delicately stepped over to him. It felt as if there were only him and Ten _and nobody else_ ; just him and the man he didn’t know he could love so much just a few years ago. Being with Ten let him forget about everyone else. Sometimes Ten made him feel like that he was the only thing he needed to be happy and his true self.

But as soon as the song ended, the last chords subsided and the voice ceased, the magic slowly began to fade into dust, bringing Kun back into harsh reality. As if he was woken up from a deep dream, he looked back at the crowd, which was still cheering, and became aware again that they were on stage. Not missing a single beat he tried to keep his smile as convincing as possible not letting it drop for a second. But he realized that he might have been too obvious already, gazing at Ten and ignoring everyone around them. He swore they were able to see the hearts in his eyes as they were locked into staring at Ten. However, who could have blamed him? He had the most charming boyfriend in the world who needed to be looked at. Even though it was bad for Kun.

He just wished that their fans would stop overanalyzing everything they did — every touch, every glance and every word they exchanged; so they didn’t feel like they were on the run from everyone, that was just looking at them, trying to be not as obvious and concealing their loving behavior with bickering. It was nearly as easy as that to put on a show and act as if you didn’t get along enough to let alone love each other romantically. Nobody needed to know about them. Their love was only between those two who loved each other dearly.

But still when they had put on their act, they were on the run — trying to hide their true feelings from the fans and from their company. Kun didn’t want to know what would happen if they found out. They would just throw him out of the company. He knew that they couldn’t throw both out and that throwing Ten out meant wasted opportunities and money. Whereas Kun was someone who they could easily throw out and replace without losing a lot of money. “One of a hundred trainees, who just got lucky to be picked — nobody special” was something he once started to call himself. He had heard people referring to him as that and eventually Kun agreed. They didn’t care about him as much as others — and he knew that. They had never once tried to conceal it. He had to deal with it and on some point it became bearable for him. So he always had to work harder to prove that he was worth spending money and time on; although he knew the little to no acknowledgment wasn’t worth it.

In conclusion, it had been very stupid for him to let himself be balanced on a knife-edge hoping not to get caught and fall on his face for taking risks. But loving was always stupid and meant to stop being egoistic for once. And sometimes it was even worth being stupid for. He knew the consequences when he fell in love with Ten, when he first went on a date with him and when he first kissed him. They both knew what they were getting into, yet they didn’t want to face their actions’ consequences.

But still they stood next to each other watching the crowd, which was only familiar with their idol image that they cherished and loved, and suppressed their feelings for each other knowing they could be with one another again tonight when no one else would be looking anymore.

With what felt like the time-lapse of a blink of an eye the members told him their birthday greetings, hugged him and the crowd held up his birthday banners. But Kun suddenly felt numb anxiously thinking about whether he lost himself too much and made others unnecessarily suspicious. Yet he kept smiling — for the sake of his job and maybe even his reputation — trying to ground himself onto the stage and onto the feeling of having his fans cheering him on for his birthday. And he felt so grateful for them; although that ugly thought kept creeping at the back of his mind. He always felt grateful to be picked by chance and to be cherished by choice even though he wasn't someone special. Apparently he was enough for others and that was the only thing that mattered to him.

Yet, today he felt betrayed by his feelings.

As soon as the next song played he pushed the unpleasant feeling away, trying to enjoy the opportunity he had to be on stage and to feel the adrenaline rushing through his system, while he sang his heart out for his fans and for his dream that he was finally able to live. _Pushing everything away made things better —_ that was something he believed in and what made him move during hard times. And somehow it made things more bearable for him; even though he knew this wouldn’t get rid of the problem.   
He tried to celebrate every concert they had as if it was his last, because he knew there just had to be only one wrong move from his side and everything would be over for him, and he had to go back and perhaps start from zero; maybe study music and become a producer, but the dream of being an idol was over.

So at the end of a concert Kun’s mood peaked, and he was always the happiest knowing he gave his best, repaying his fans with everything he could, and slowly cooling-off letting his heartbeat normalize again after letting the adrenaline flow through his veins for nearly 2 hours.

  
“So how did you find your birthday song?” Ten said grinning widely and expecting a compliment for his amazing showcase.

Kun took his hand as they sat beside each other on the couch in their dorm, stroking his thumb affectionately over it and answered: “It was amazing. I can’t imagine a better professional happy birthday singer. Can I book you for next year, too?”

Kun softly laughed asking, receiving a playful pinch in the arm by Ten, who only rolled his eyes and tried to hide his fond smile. 

The other members giggled a bit making fun over the lovey-dovey couple as they sat on the couch next to them and stole the rest of Kun’s birthday cake, after they already ate all the take-out. It was nearly midnight; they arrived very late at the dorm as they took longer than usual to pack up after their last concert for a while and ordered in a very late dinner because nobody felt like going outside anymore.

“Kun only had hearty eyes for you, Ten.” Yangyang chanted, nudging Kun. Then he jokingly started to pout a bit. “He didn’t even acknowledge that we all sang.”

Kun had to admit he didn’t even realize the others had sung. Yangyang was right; he only had eyes for Ten. But Ten was too perfect to be blamed for staring at. Ten was like a sponge that took in all of Kun’s attention, and he couldn’t change the effect on him even if he wanted to. Kun always expected Ten to have a massive flaw that evened out that he was an amazing dancer, enviable singer and great artist with a good personality. Yet there wasn’t one big flaw that made one believe that this was humanly possible. Small flaws did exist within Ten, still they never broke his perfect appearance. They just made him more lovable, more relatable and human, even though his talent overall was inhuman. So Kun fell in love with a nearly flawless man, who only had weaknesses which made him love Ten more.

The already advanced night went on with laughing, eating and bickering making Kun feel happy and at ease again. He wondered if he maybe overreacted at the concert; meaning that he just slipped for a second that didn’t even matter.  
Although saying they were a family sounded like a lie from their company to boost WayV’s reputation, they meant what they said by hanging out together — even voluntary — caring, cherishing each other dearly and making fun of each other. It was as if they seriously were a second family for one another and Kun appreciated that a lot when he was having a hard time. 

Being away from their real family took a toll on them all considering they had no one else to rely on otherwise. They walked a long path of disliking, even hating, not understanding and fighting each other until they eventually built the bond they had now. Being in a group made up from a management that randomly picked the members by their idol compatibility was never easy, so Kun felt grateful they were genuine with each other.

As soon as they finished eating the leftover cake they eventually went back to their designated rooms one by one, until only Sicheng, Guanheng, Ten and Kun were left, who kept talking about a movie they all wanted to watch on the best next occasion.

Eventually even the former two wanted to call it a night after it got very late and no sounds were heard in the whole dorm any more aside from their own talking. Sicheng spared both a needed warning look and Kun knew what would come next. The younger man had to remind them a lot — even though he thought himself that it wasn’t as bad as they described it.

“Please keep the volume down this time. I actually want to sleep tonight.” Sicheng sighed as he walked to his door looking back at the couple as he wanted to hear a confirmation. 

Ten just hummed half-heartedly whereas Sicheng only groaned as a response and disappeared into his shared room with Xuxi. 

Guanheng followed him right after and mumbled a small “So, I guess I’ll better sleep somewhere else tonight” as he closed Sicheng and Xuxi’s door behind him making Kun wonder again how they made themselves fit in there. Their beds weren’t exactly big because they normally only were meant for one person.

Kun smiled a bit, appreciating that Guanheng left the room for their privacy and didn’t nag about it, while he draped his admittedly tired legs over Ten's lap.

“Should we do him the favor this time?” Ten asked as he laughed his adorable ten-laugh, pulling Kun closer.

Kun mirrored his laugh watching Ten's nose scrunch and eyes squeeze shut as he leaned onto him and placed his head on Kun’s shoulder. Both stayed silent after that, listening to the other’s even breathing, enjoying their company and not being in need of words.

“Were you okay earlier after we sang your birthday song? You looked like you would freak out any second.” Ten eventually asked, feeling troubled whilst he took Kun’s hand and drew small consoling patterns on the back of it with his thumb.

“It’s just that you were so breathtaking when you sang. I was kinda worried that I looked too much like I was seriously in love with you and then I freaked out.” Kun sighed enjoying Ten’s small gesture. “Do you think I was too obvious? You know how they love to overanalyze every step we take.”

“Please don’t think about it that much. I didn’t think you looked more whipped for me than usually in public. Everything’s going to be alright. I promise.” Ten lifted his head and plastered soothing kisses on Kun’s head — hoping he could take his worries away.

Kun hoped others would never read him as good as Ten did. It would only make things harder for them. He was okay with being an open book for him whereas the thought that somebody else was able to read his thoughts, scared him to death.

Ten proceeded to make Kun look into his eyes, wanting to read through them and to fall in the depths of his great soul.

“Please don’t let your pretty head worry so much. I think it was fine. I mean who gets to have his birthday song sung by a stunning angel?” He said grinning again, trying to break the uneasy situation, still stroking his hand soothingly over and over again. Often he wished that he would stop caring so much and allow himself to be easy on himself for once.

“Oh how lucky I am to have the most gorgeous man alive to be my boyfriend, aren’t I?” Kun’s eyes sparkled as he looked at his opposite. Who was giggling because of the lovely compliment he just received.

Kun loved hearing Ten laugh. It was one of his most favorite sounds that made his heart warm up. Ten’s singing was something he even loved more than his laugh — and it felt unreal to him to be able to adore someone else as much as he did. 

Something that Kun also loved more than beautiful sounds Ten made, was kissing Ten’s soft and addicting lips. So he found himself leaning in to chase the desire to touch them again. He thought that he could never get tired of kissing him and feeling him. And he was right. Those dreamlike lips he tasted and the things he felt all at once, crashing down like a sudden wave of pacification. They stilled his hunger for affection and love.

“You want to move this to the bedroom?”

The next morning — but more accurately afternoon — a bad-tempered Sicheng opened his bedroom door and sluggishly made his way to the dining table looking like he had little to no sleep. Kun wondered if he had been up all night playing games or if he just laid in his bed staring at his phone all night. He couldn’t imagine that he and Ten were the reason, were they? He didn’t recall they were loud at all — at least not as bad as Sicheng looked like. The deep dark circles under his eyes were striking and his hair was ruffled standing up into all directions. He clearly looked like he didn’t care about his hairstyle at all. Also, he looked a bit paler than usual as he acted like his whole energy was drained as the result of his missing sleep.

“I thought you promised to be quiet for once.” Sicheng grumbled, closing his eyes to savor the little micro sleep he obviously needed. Interested Leon sneaked between his feet wanting to get attention or trying to find the reason why Sicheng acted so grumpy. Kun added extra rice in his bowl because he felt guilty, but didn’t know what to say; so he shoved Sicheng’s big rice bowl, which was filled to the brim, right in front of him, sparing him an apologetic glance. Way too tired Sicheng gave in and lovingly petted Leon, who had already eaten and focused all his attention on Sicheng. Still, he didn’t spare the others a glance.

“Weren’t we?” Ten responded cheekily knowing exactly they weren’t quiet at all, yet feeling a bit sorry for his group member that he had the bad luck to live in the room next door. But sleeping in Kun’s room wasn’t an option because then Yangyang and Dejun both had to move out for a night. And that was a bit too much to ask for. So it was either Sicheng or Yangyang and Dejun.

“Even I and Dejun heard noises. And our room is at the other end of the dorm.” Yangyang announced and proceeded to make some choking noises to empathize his disgust for hearing two of his members obviously not quietly sleeping with each other.

“You don’t know how hard it is to face you both after hearing you all night.”

“I'm sorry. Next time we'll keep our promise.” Kun apologized as neutral as possible as he first went quiet for a second because he started to turn red as he unwillingly mentioned the night adventures he had with his boyfriend just a few hours ago. Sicheng only glared at him for the first time this morning and decided to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the breakfast.

“But you have to agree that birthday sex is an exception” Ten cut in shamelessly while he nudged Kun’s side under the table, not caring that he spoke so openly about their sex life with their members in the morning. Louis then decided to join their breakfast as he pawed Ten’s leg wanting to lay on his lap. Ten then happily took him on his lap caressing his fur while he happily purred.

“Literally nothing is an exception if it keeps me from sleeping — and on top of that — makes me feel more single than I already am.” Dejun started to groan, feeling a bit frustrated because he hadn’t been seeing anyone in months.

“Besides, you do this all the time. It isn’t just a noise problem on birthdays.” Xuxi added collectedly, sounding less upset than the others but with a hint of disappointment.

After a short pause of everyone eating and maybe processing last night’s dins or thinking about a way of making it up to the others, Yangyang quietly suggested: “Maybe we should start soundproofing our dorm”

Kun halted for a second wondering how Yangyang came to the conclusion, that they were allowed to soundproof their dorm without having a realistic reason, other than confessing to them about the moans and bed squeaks in the middle of the night, which were things that they would never tell their managers.

“Like, to not disturb everyone else with our practice of singing or playing instruments. I mean I would like to not wake up to Kun mixing another song in ungodly hours or Dejun practicing his singing until 4 AM.”, he added as he was looking into frowning faces, which yet probably didn’t think about a good explanation as much as he did.

“I guess this excuse should sound good enough for our manager.” Kun admitted and ended the topic’s conversation with this statement leaving everyone to eat in peace again.

After all, they had almost two free days today and tomorrow, so they wanted to cherish them to the fullest, not thinking about how packed their schedule would be again. 

Kun and Ten decided they would go on a date today far away from Seoul’s hustle and bustle trying to forget their idol life and its troubles for a day. The latter still wanted to celebrate Kun’s birthday for real by taking him for a walk through a beautiful park, visiting breathtaking places, eating in a fancy restaurant and watching the stars tonight. He thought Kun deserved to have a day off considering how busy he always got as he was looking after all the members the whole time. Being the leader was a strenuous job Kun somehow mastered — with whatever inexhaustible strength he owned — and Ten envied him for this.

They would have taken their cats with them because they gave Kun comfort and it would be a good thing if they went outside for a bit — far away from the asphalt jungle. But Louis and Leon had gotten a lot of attention by their social media posts, so they might be easily recognizable if they were with Ten and Kun, and they wanted a private day for once. That’s why they had to leave them at home with a heavy heart and hoped the others would take good care of them on their day off.

Today Ten wanted to spoil his boyfriend a bit by walking through one of South Korea's most valued gardens and tried to give him a bit of freedom and happiness by being outside again and savoring nature. On most days they would have been too scared to go out in public with only the two of them; but considering that today was a weekday and very far away from any national holiday, the garden wasn’t well visited like usual. Yet, to be secure, they tried to dress as casually as possible and wore caps and masks to cover their faces. At some point they wondered if they should have brought their sunglasses with them. However, that would have been too much, and they would have attracted attention again. Kun wondered if they didn’t suspiciously cover up too much already with their caps and masks.

While they walked down the path of paving stones and roses, Kun felt warm sun rays on his skin making his body feel pleasantly tingly. He missed this a lot as he never had to be outside and enjoy life again when he had to practice days long with no end forgetting about time and just trying to go on with whatever he needed to do right now. The small breeze gave him welcoming goosebumps — made him feel alive again.

Something that was missing, which would make this day better was that he and Ten were able to show their affection publicly by holding hands or something other harmless thing. Aside from being an idol Korea was still not very accepting towards same-sex couples, which saddened Kun. He knew that he wasn’t able to express his love for Ten openly either way even if he wasn’t a celebrity. Some people just weren’t ready for them yet. Sometimes he just wanted to scream out his love for Ten. But he could never do it even if he really wanted to.

As if Ten knew what Kun was thinking he brushed over his arm and leaned over to his ear whispering: “I love you”

These 3 words sounded like a promise to him; promising nothing would change his feelings towards him, no matter what might be coming for them. Kun often had to assure himself that they were stronger than ugly rumors and that at the end of the day nothing else mattered, when he laid in the arms of the man that he cherished and loved despite having to keep their relationship a secret towards the public’s eye.

Sometimes Kun felt like he had to choose between his happiness and his career and it hurt him. He loved both dearly, and he hoped he could hold onto both. But deep inside he knew that someday he had to give up one of them. _He just longed for a less hurtful end._

  
  
  
  
  
  


Ten had planned to watch the stars at night; so he took out the picnic blanket he had hid in his backpack and spread it on a free place of a field on the grassland. He then proceeded to pull Kun by the hand to lay beside him on the blanket. The place he chose was a bit far from the usual places people would lay and watch the stars. He felt more safe when there weren’t many people around and finally dared to hold Kun’s hand. Kun only pressed his hand while he looked to the sky.

Thousands of stars were able to be seen today as the couple was more far away from the city and the buildings and streets weren't as bright as at home. Kun was amazed that he could witness the beauty of those stars again. He hadn’t looked in the sky and hadn’t been mesmerized by the stars in a long time. Time was something they both didn’t have. So they didn’t even bother to dream about the stars anymore. But now that Kun was able to see them again, he wished he never stopped dreaming about them. They were magical as they sparkled lighting up the world above them making sorrows fade away for a short period of time.

Ten wanted to look at the stars tonight, however once he glanced over to Kun he realized that he had something way more astonishing next to him than the stars. The calm and carefree look Kun had on his face locked Ten’s eyes in place, not letting go of the sight in front of him. Kun was beautiful the way he looked and Ten was reminded again, why he fell in love. He didn’t even need a reminder, he never stopped loving Kun, so he always knew why he loved him. Still, right now the reason was so clear to him, that it just kicked all the air out of his lungs.

But suddenly Kun’s face dropped, all the magic disappeared into dust, leaving both in the dark. Kun still stared at the sky, yet something was different in the way he stared into the distance. It looked as if he was lost in his view he just looked at attentively a few seconds ago.

“Kun, are you okay?”

He didn’t answer, he only gazed into the galaxy while his eyes slowly became glassy. Somewhere up in there he was lost, ready to be found again. The ugly thoughts creeping at the back of his head had taken over again. The stars had reminded him of a hideous truth he had tried to hide from over and over again. So worried Ten kneeled down next to his body, looking at him again. But his eyes didn’t seem like they focused on the sky; they were looking through it.

“Am I good enough?” Kun broke the silence, still he didn’t look like he was here with Ten.

He didn’t know why he said that in the first place; he had promised to never tell anyone about the concerns he obviously could overcome by himself. Yet, he had asked.

Ten had been scared of saying the next thing for a while now, because he didn’t want to upset Kun. Nevertheless, he knew things were getting worse, and he just wanted it to stop. He just wanted Kun to stop hurting for once; even though the other never wanted to admit that he did.

“You should stop caring so much about what others might think about you and how they could judge you and start caring about what really makes you happy. And I really don’t want you to choose. I know it makes this a lot harder.” Ten sighed searching for Kun’s hand to give himself an assurance that Kun was here with him. “But you need to choose happiness before you start breaking. And I have been loving you for so long and I know you can’t take this anymore. I can’t imagine being without you.” Ten felt again as if all the air inside his body was pushed out again as the words he held in asked his mouth.

Kun swore the words physically slapped him in the face, blinking a few times. He had tried to push reality way back to be okay again. But Ten had just spoken about the hateful truth; and even though he knew he had to choose, he didn't want to face it. So he just kept quiet, pushing everything away again. He couldn’t afford to be weak.

The younger one was sure he heard him. His mind had been somewhere else, but everything else had stayed where it was. Yet Kun didn’t want to hear him. Choosing was something he hadn’t done for a while. He hadn’t been given a choice for a long time already. Ten knew that Kun had been working days on and on without asking for something. But now was the time that he needed to ask for something and if they wouldn’t grant him the choice, he would ask for it himself. He couldn’t just look at his love slowly falling apart because it was too much for him.

“Please don’t make me choose”, Kun whispered barely audibly after a while of suffocating silence. He felt anger inside, but showed so much vulnerability.

Ten just pulled him into his arms as he realized that he was shaking. Kun didn’t realize until he saw it with his own eyes.

That night Ten never stopped to let go of Kun’s hand, being scared that he would slip away if he stopped looking out for him. And Kun appreciated Ten’s attentive actions. But he couldn’t stay with him forever, and he knew that. He just needed Ten’s support for a little longer. Then everything would be alright again. He could go on with his life and push his scary thoughts away. It was a one time incident that he broke yesterday and it would never happen again.

It didn’t take long until Ten had a solo schedule for a photoshoot, and he was alone again suffocating in the weakness he fought against. Thankfully he had no schedule today; getting up was something he didn’t feel the strength to do yet today. He tried to think that he was strong enough alone, that he didn’t need an anchor. It wasn't even the first time that he was alone. He had been alone a few years ago, and he had made it without Ten. But things had changed and Kun felt gloomier than usual as he didn’t feel like moving and was trapped in his mind.

Things got the worst when Kun proceeded to lay in his bed all day not feeling like standing up. Louis visited him once or twice because he felt that Kun wasn’t feeling alright. But even petting his ears didn’t make him feel the slightest better; even though his purring was a bit consoling. Kun was sure he would stand up again in a few hours but not now. He felt way too blue to even consider it.

After a while even his cat felt tired of lying in bed all day and left him. He shouldn’t feel too bad about it; if he didn’t feel like this he wouldn’t like to just vegetate and would just get up and go on with his life. But the thoughts were very loud today — too loud to ignore.

He believed it was nearly midnight, the night had draped the world into darkness, Guanheng had come into his room. Maybe he wondered if Kun was still alive. He didn’t want to face him because he felt guilty that he hadn’t done a thing today and stared out of the window. Not a single star was in sight and Kun sighed internally. Stars just didn’t appear in the city — the city was for those who worked; they didn’t have the time to look up at the sky, they were way too focused on making life work on earth. He knew he was one of them; that’s why he belonged in the city, where his dream waited, not being in need of the stars.

“Kun?”

He didn’t answer. What would Guanheng even want to talk about?

“I know you don’t want to answer me. But I’ve been talking to Ten.”

Kun felt betrayed as he heard him mentioning his name. Why did Ten have to talk about him with others?

“We want you to take a break”

His eyebrows furrowed feeling a sudden rage. He didn’t want to have a break. Everything that he needed was just a few hours of rest and then everyone could go on with their lives again. A break was just wasted time that he could never catch up again.

“I know you don’t want to have this break. But you _need_ it.”

“I don’t need a damn break” Kun suddenly hissed “I’ll be fine tomorrow. Stop making this bigger than it actually is.”

Guanheng sighed knowing it was the hardest part to convince Kun considering how stubborn he was.

“You know? You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been keeping up with us for so long now and you never stopped caring. Maybe you should start caring more about your own well-being.”

“I’m caring enough about myself.”

Guanheng just sighed again feeling that the conversation would go nowhere. He wasn’t the right one to talk to him about his problems. So he left again after Kun refused to talk about it further.

The night progressed and at presumably 2 or 3 am after Kun had been staring at the wall not being able to fall asleep, Ten came into his room after a long day. He had brought Louis with him and laid on Kun's bed with him, staring at Kun who still looked tiredly at the wall.

Their cat immediately snuggled up onto Kun purring as he felt very welcome next to Kun. He smiled a bit to himself, hearing his lovely cat happy. Ten began smiling too as he realized that Louis made him feel better.

“Did you know that there is belief that kitten paws heal?” Ten whispered laying on his side staring at Kun.

Kun stared back at him feeling confused.

“There is nothing to heal me from.”

“Please stop lying to yourself. You know there is a problem.” Ten whispered, perhaps being scared of the piercing silence the room was filled with.

“I really don’t need your help. I am okay. Tomorrow I’ll get up and go to my schedule and practice and mix another song. I will go on with my life again.”

“But for how long? Until you break again? I don’t want to pick up your broken pieces until I can’t fix you anymore. Even your strength and endurance is limited. Please don’t do this to yourself.”

Kun still didn’t understand Ten’s concern, he was perfectly fine. He just had some bad thoughts, but those were bearable. At least he didn’t want to admit that Ten was at least a bit right, he had no reason to do so.

“Please take a break. Please listen to yourself. I need you to choose happiness and your happiness isn’t your work right now.”

“It is” Kun knew he was lying. But it was a lie he wanted to believe himself.

“Please let them heal you. Please let them take care of you. There’s nobody more in need to be taken care of than you.”

Louis started to become restless, pawing Kun’s torso as if he wanted something from him. Kun thought again about Ten’s statement — healing kitten paws. He felt more at ease when their cats were around them, but they could never be healing enough for him. Whatever he needed to be healed from. He knew there was something wrong with him, but he was way too stubborn to give in. A break wasn’t what he needed; he had worked too hard to be on a break. Everything he fought for would be gone, if he would go on hiatus. So he didn’t need it, just a few hours of silence would be enough and the thoughts would just go back to the back of his mind.

“I know that you’re aware you’re not okay right now. So please just let me help you. You aren’t alone. Don’t ever think that.” Ten said as he took Kun’s hand placing it above his heart as a sign of solidarity. “Louis would like to help you, too.”

His cat began to tap him with his paws again, making Kun’s side feel tingly.

“And what if they just throw me out?”

Kun didn’t believe he just revealed his concern. He was sure his mind was against him the last few days.

“I won’t let them do that. If I need to I’ll fight for your place in WayV. You are so beneficial for us. Nothing works here for us. Nobody cooks such good meals, cares after Yangyang, can clean the dorm so perfectly, sings so breathtakingly and composes songs like you. Without you one of WayV’s vital limbs is missing and it can’t ever be replaced. You are such a vital part in my life. I won’t let anyone take you from me or take your happiness from you.”

Kun slowly started tearing up, hurting how much Ten cared about him. He didn’t want to admit that maybe he needed more help than he actually confessed to, but he wanted Ten to stop worrying so much about him. He loved him too much to see himself being the cause of Ten’s sorrow.

_“Maybe kitten paws could heal me.”_

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope it was enjoyable, i was working on those few words for 3 weeks, rereading and editing.  
> But I still don't believe it is perfect considering that i'm still not fully able to express myself in english the way I want and that I still have to learn a lot.
> 
> you can find me on:  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/ICTHEVISI0N)  
> 


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